Yesterday was my birthday, and the last few July 17ths have found me more pensive than ready to party.
In the past, I attributed that to being weary of having my birthday during the middle of our busy camp season. I can rarely celebrate my birthday with my camp director hubby. Honestly though, I don't mind waiting for the weekend. And he does a good job of remembering--despite the fact that he's super busy. (He bought a ukulele for me this year! Fun!) Besides, having 100 people sing the birthday song to me at breakfast is a cheerful start to the day.
So...am I lamenting growing older? Being in my 40's? Not directly. I'm settling in to this decade fairly nicely. I don't look like I'm in my 40's--so others tell me. I don't feel like I'm in my 40's--for the most part. Yet, I have the wisdom of being in my 40's (insert hysterical laughter here _______).
I figured it out last night. Every year on my birthday, I can't help but reflect on the past 12 months. While I'm thankful for my innumerable blessings (faith, family, friends, everything we need and lots of things we want), I'm always dissatisfied with some parts of my life which have remained unchanged. Let me tell you what I mean.
~ I still haven't written that book.
~ This is the third summer of painting the porch. I'll never finish!
~ Those ten pounds are still found (as opposed to "lost").
~ "E" is weaker than a year ago. I need to work with her more on PT--even
if I'm a nag!
~ So many good books, so little time.
~ Clutter, clutter everywhere (but not a kitchen sink).
~ The kids' chore schedule? It worked well--for a month.
~ I'm still in the same place in my piano lesson books.
A lack of self-discipline. That's it! That's what's been causing my melancholy feelings these last few birthdays. Everything in that list reflects this personal flaw. I can't seem to get on top of things. Either I allow myself to get distracted, or I'm just plain lazy.
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." ~ Albert Einstein
That brings me to the next point. I know some of you will truly miss my updates. If so, I'll be keeping track of the funny things the kids say, and I'll write them into our annual Christmas letter. If you don't already receive that, send me your address, and I'll make sure you get it. (I still have about a year's worth of status updates to copy, so you can let me know in a private message on FB. It'll be about a week before I actually delete my account.)
One of the things I'd like to do with my extra hour each day is blog once per week. I think I promised that some time ago. (Yet another thing I could add to the list above.) So, you could bookmark my blog, or simply make a mental note of my blog's name. I'm sure I'll have some funny or interesting things to put here.
Now, please don't think that I'm trying to convince you that you should get off of FB. This is a personal decision that I have prayed over for several months. Facebook is a snare for me, but I know many people who use it well and with moderation. I'm not blaming FB, either. I love it for how it connects family and friends all over the world. It's been a blessing to keep up with the people I love in all sorts of places. However, too many times it's been at the neglect of those who live right under my nose. With FB as my "default mode", I also haven't been investing time in the things I would really rather be doing (writing, music practice, reading, exercising) if I stopped long enough to think about it.
Of course, Facebook isn't my only distraction or snare, but it's the most obvious one. It's the simplest, though not necessarily the easiest, to eliminate. I know that I'll miss it, but I'm confident it's the right thing for me to do. So, pray for me, friends. This week, I'll be finishing up copying & pasting things I don't want to forget, but after that...well...that'll be tough.
I'll leave you with a verse that has been rolling around in my head quite a bit lately. I may have 15,342 days left, and I'd like to invest them wisely.
"So, teach us to number our days,
That we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12