I had one of those days today. It wasn't simply a day when things went wrong--although that did happen. Today was the first day I honestly wondered if I can handle homeschooling high school. The older two kids do a lot of school work on their own, but they can't do much of that with French, and Biology has gotten kind of tough lately. (Guess which two subjects had tests today?) And, as opportunity cost goes, the more time I need to spend working with Emma and Jeffrey, the less time I have to teach Lydia and Samuel. We're all a little bit behind.
The homeschool musical with which I'm helping is turning out to be beyond my abilities. Well, it's more time-consuming than I thought it'd be anyway, and it's starting to become less fun and more of I've-got-to-get-this-done. Don't misunderstand me though. I love working with the kids. They're so creative and talented and just plain fun. I love them. And I love the ladies I work with too. We make a good team. The way this musical is set up really seems to highlight everything I can't do well. I don't mind learning more and practicing more, but again, opportunity cost.
Today I really needed to have my own Clarence come and show me how awful and empty our lives would be if we hadn't been homeschooling all this time. Maybe he would have shown me that the relationships I have with my children wouldn't be as close and sweet as they are now. Perhaps the world would have squeezed them into its mold more definitively. And it could be they would struggle as much academically in the school scenario as they do at home with me.
It's hard to see you're doing the right thing when everything seems to be going wrong.